What are you pretending not to know today™

Words of wisdom from Boss Tanaka

2008-08-13T06:55:00.000-07:00

We really need a lot of money if we're trying to prove things to people around us. If you get off that ride, then you just need enough to cover the basics and have a good time.

Things to take along to a cheap trip abroad

2008-04-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

I had decided not to blog unless I had something genuinely funny to say. I couldn't get myself to blog like most of the faggots that are passing their daily menstruation as blog posts. Just don't see myself saying "Oooo ... I saw a pigeon rubbing another pigeon's beak today, when I was washing my neighbour's utensils." OR "Did you know that Chaddi Kumar farted in ONE TWO THREE six times?". Ch**t*y* saale !!! Read the post below to see how excited I got because of a fucking dumb arse contest that is getting participants increasingly unqualified with each passing year. Won't get fagged again.

So, I just came back from Jakarta and KL. I won't say what I was doing for the year almost that I was silent. It was all f*cked up and has still not stabilized. And I know you don't care, so f*ck you !!! What I learn't on this trip was that whenever you are going on a shortened budget to a foreign country, carry your own toiletries. The hotel I was staying was a good place. It made no qualms about being a budget hotel and acted like one.

There was toothpaste with a toothbrush besides the sink. It was the size of Hritik Roshan's eleventh finger. It was sealed like it had plutonium extracts and when I finally managed to poke a teeny pinhole in it, half of it emptied out in a hiss. AIR, m*th*rf*ck*r !!! The toothbrush however looked like I could sleep on its head. So I'm thinking, this little tube that I can barely hold in my fingers must have serious foam power. B*lls, bh**nch*d. It was like brushing teeth with urad dal.

Then a shower was due. After 11 hour of flying, I smelt like I was decaying. The soap was a joke. It was the size of a cheap eraser that comes in those kiddie return-gift compass boxes. I was afraid that if I got cozy with it and went down where the sun don't shine, then it would slip up my butt. They had the balls to cover it with thin plastic.

Man, the things I'm made to do !!! Until next time, f*ck you.

Miss India ... a prediction

2007-04-08T11:47:00.000-07:00

It's 12.23 am. About 30 minutes before the new Miss India is crowned.

My prediction is Sarah Jane Dias. So far, the only girl who has shown any potential is her. i don't know what is going to happen to the other two positions.

Coming up tomorrow, a more comprehensive update on the strangeness that is the Miss India 2007 pageant.

Update **** ... Popat ho gaya. The show is over. I posted in haste, only to realize that this show was not live. DAMN !!! The world was already informed and aware by 10.30pm of who the winner was. For all those of you who shared my popatness this year, the next year, impress fellow viewers by accurate predictions gotten off searching the Internet. Maybe I'll forget it myself about this time next year.

Traffic in Mumbai

2007-04-05T00:25:00.000-07:00

Traffic in Mumbai is legendary. It takes 3 minutes at 6 am from Indian Oil to Laxmi Industrial Estate. It takes 45 minutes at 11 am, same distance. The only people that seem to be reaching on time are the baniyaan and kutra clad bikers that will jump over you and weave through the traffic. And honestly, I don't think they ever have somewhere important to go to.

Each time you set out on a short excursion, any time of the day OR night, weekends included, the roads of Mumbai are clogged. There's cars, and rickshaws and then more cars. True that most rickshaws are empty, but there are some that are occupied. Bikes and scooters even. Daredevils and vintage (read rusted) bikers Buses are packed to the brim, tilting to the side where the doors are since half the passengers are hanging for dear life. Trains are full, but well balances ... enough people hanging to survive. So, that's many people travelling during business hours, I'm assuming, going to work.

Then who the fuck is working?

If no one is working, then someone must be producing all the India Shining and market booming. Who could it be, other than the middle class tax payers that somehow reach work on time, actually work, earn money only to have it stolen from their paycheques by the government. Saala log !!!

Loooooong time

2007-04-03T03:51:00.000-07:00

Yep ... A really long time. Plenty happened since. A quick recap.

Baangd, Andy and Iyer got married.
Abhi is now finally happy.
Bird got a year older ... as expected, it doesn't show.
I'm with Cynapse full-time again. Docking with the mother ship is always good fun.
I now am the proud owner of a Palm Treo 750 and a Nokia E50.
Consulting is booming. All brand equity gained over the years is finally paying off.
I started the "one day one rep" workout on the 1st of April. Surprising choice of the day :) Hoping I don't con myself.

Saala office se lamba post nahi kar sakta hai. More to come soon. Hopefully. Don't get your hopes high.

Cheers, all.

MCPs from the past ...

2006-08-20T05:31:00.000-07:00

Our ultra-brilliant ancestors really knew how to keep their wives happy !!! Here's an article from a popular magazine called "Housekeeping", aimed at housewives of the time, supporting them with recipes, DIYs and of course, "good advice" ...

Not to be let down, when discovered, feminists of the new milennium have created, The Good Husband's Guide. Worth a read, though it does sounds more generalized with the author's views, as compared to the brilliant piece of journalism above that clearly aims at addressing "more real world problems".

My favourite is "Remember, he is the master of the house ... "

You do know when I'm being sarcastic, don't you?

Busy G ... How to look important and climb the corporate ladder

2006-08-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

Iyer made an amazing post today. Busyier is a piece that all new enterprise recruits and all senior management will identify with. Looking busy at work to justify your measely existence in an ecosystem that has nothing to offer to you other than your salary. My idol in this field is Wally. Scott, Wally needs his own comic strip.

I have a few ideas myself, having completed my Ph.D. in Looking Busy (also known as "Looking Indispensable"). Thanks to my history of picking jobs that do not involve me using my brains or skills. Not that I have many. Still. I've also created an index to gauge effectiveness of each technique. The Average Time Killed (ATK) index, measured in minutes, will guide you to your way to the top of the utility chain. Here goes:

Open any newspaper classifieds and circle ads containing the words "erectile dysfunction", "sex clinic" and "viagra". To your boss, this would mean you have a problem that might lead to you killing your boss. He won't mess with you. ATK: 20
Download a lot of white papers related to your job description (TechRepublic is a great source) and buy a pair of tinted yet lightened sunglasses. Open the white paper, scroll to page 3, wear your glasses and snooze. Place your hand on the end of the desk and ensure that it will keep falling off every few minutes, mildly waking you up. This is so that you don't snore (big problem with me). This is a fool proof, ultra-power nap method. ATK: 30-45 minutes, depending on how much you can sleep. Oh, and if someone asks about the glasses, tell them they are polycarbonite photochromatic bipolar hand polished reflective lenses that protect your eyes from fatigue (Faati Gyu).
Take an ACTUAL break. Solve the Sudoku. Your boss will join you. And if you beat him in time or spaces filled, he will respect you for it. ATK: Depends on how bad you are at Sudoku.
If you have access to a pair of headphones with a mike, put them on, bring the mike to your mouth, listen to "Beedi Jalayile" and intermittently, say "Hmmmm ...." and "OK" to yourself. Note that Skype should be started and on top of all windows. ATK: 5.50. Or the time your favourite song or playlist takes.
Smoke. And be smoked. This means, take frequent smoke breaks and be open to being dragged out for a smoke by anyone in your team or at your level and above in the organization's heriarchy. It will always look like you are either discussing the next million dollar idea or counselling your team members on topics like "How to rid yourself of unwanted hair" or "Why she won't look beyond your bad breath and the giant mole on your ever protruding forehead". ATK: 15, at least five times a day
Adding to Iyer's water and loo breaks, the "friendly piss" break. This is where you keep bottles of water filled around your desk and keep offering it to everyone who sits around you, or walks by. Statistics (my own observation) says that if enough water is pumped into someone's innocent bowels, they will feel like peeing. Mostly, men are very vocal about going for a leak (at least, I am). Join them. Once in the loo, do your hair (not applicable to me), wash your face, clean your glasses, pretend to misplace your lens in your eye ... anything to extend your stay at the bladderbreak hotel. ATK: 10 (variable depending on the number of bottles on your desk and the distance between your desk and the loo)

Foundation rules:

Leave your desk only if absolutely imperative. Yet, find legitimate excuses to leave as often as possible.
Never leave your desk alone. You tend to look like you're working while on the move.
Buy ammo in advance. The last thing you want to do is go around begging people for smokes or matches. Or worse, newspaper classifieds. HR reads that as job hopping.
Use excellent phrases when "disturbed". Like "I'm busy trying to comprehend the meaning of Strouffstroub's third paradigm", "Do you know what Leinecker meant when he was talking about value chains in linked lists? I'm working on it since morning." .... my personal favourite, delivered with a cheeky smirk while rubbing hands... "I'm 10 minutes away from achieving this week's target."

Other suggestions are welcome and invited. Or else, I'll just look up Iyer's post again.

Banning Blogs

2006-07-18T06:29:00.000-07:00

My faith is restored. We live in a truly brain-dead democracy. They are banning blogs fearing that people will get influenced in the wrong manner. I'm intrigued to know the following:

Which of our highly competent leaders came up with this idea. Because this would require basic knowledge of the internet and blogs. And our leaders with their qualifications look for guidance on how and which hole to use their toothbrushes.
Did this ban require an ordinance or bill to pass? If yes, then who voted on it and what are their qualification? Have they cleared 2nd grade?
Did they expect this to work ...

... technically? Because my trusty RSS reader brought in posts from my dear Iyer's blog right on time. I also found www.pkblogs.com (which will soon be banned because of it's functionality and now, popularity. What pkblogs does is creates an interface that allows you to read .blogspot.com blogs. Here's Iyer's blog as shown by pkblogs. So, what's the point? They block this, we will discover remote proxy surfing.
... as planned? Because blogs do not influence free thought, they express opinions. What does influence free though is retarded baboons throwing stones and burning buses because someone bad-mouthed their ancestors in a text book. Loudspeakers blaring psalms and bhajans. Train bombs and government apathy. Zero ROI on taxes. Drowning in someone else's shit that floats when it rains and floods. THAT influences free thought.

Dear Government, here's a list of other notable things to ban because of their ability to influence free thought:

Porn: Do you actually expect to be visited by a female plumber that looks like Jenna Jamesson. That's free thinking.
Non-smokers and teetotallers: Smokers and drinkers kill brain cells that could have exercised free thought.
Talking to your wife
Talking to your mum
All newspapers / suppliments other than Bombay Times
Sudoku
Rakhi Sawant
Using Sudoku and Rakhi Sawant in the same list: That's the height of free thought.

I've decided to find the best possible chartered accountant to save the most taxes possible. It was tolerable that a toilet pot in a sulabh shauchalaya costs Rs. 35,000 and filling a pothole in Chakala required funding from the World Bank. But banning blogs is just bloody ridiculous.

I've got nothing better to do in office now, I'll be forced to WORK.

Enough ...

2006-07-12T01:09:00.000-07:00

Blasts again. Three tragedies in a month's span. Rains, Riots and now, Blasts.

The following issues emerge from the acts of the past month.

Mumbai is the nation's golden egg laying goose.
The nation loves Mumbai. We pay our taxes on time, we are the largest contributer to the city's coffers and we demand nearly nothing. Perfectly parasitic relationship. All we do is give. And the nation gives us nothing but a pat on our back for being honest and hard working. No better roads, no cleaner drains, no faster trains, no metro rail, no super highways, no tax sops, no reservations nothing.

Mumbai is the nation's punching bag.
Anyone who wishes to be heard / known / infamous comes to Mumbai. Anyone who seeks quick results for their problem comes to Mumbai. Not getting too much political traction? Organize a Mumbai bandh. Someone took away your land by force? Let's blow up people in Mumbai. Tomorrow if any of the nation's enemies wants to cripple the country, it's as simple as dropping a nuke on Mumbai. A straight cut of 40% in the country's yearly earnings. Mumbai is target no. 1 for anyone who wishes the nation harm.

Mumbai is the naked war-torn hero with medals but no uniform.
Each time a bomb rips out guts, or we choke in traffic, or we are slapped by a rioter, or drowned in our own piss when it rains, the government and the media seem to remember just one thing. How good we are at picking ourselves up. The "Mumbai Spirit" has become an excuse for more social, economic and financial extortion. So we have accolades for our spirit but no cover for our security. Medals, but no uniform.

"We condemn this act of terrorist. We ask the citizens of Mumbai to preserve their resilient spirit and not succumb to the terror spread by this act."

Mr. PM and Mr. President and all our fellow countrymen. DO NOT TAKE OUR RESILIENCE FOR GRANTED. We pick ourselves up because we have no choice. If we decide to quit our jobs and "do something about" our dead friends and relatives, we will die of hunger, our families will not survive. We're not farmers, we do not get sops from the government (that never reach us). We are not backward-classes, we have no reservations. We live life harder than most of the country, finding a 5 day vacation a year and two hours in the evening to know our families. We aren't richer, we simply work harder and hence are compensated better. Which means nothing, because you find newer more innovative ways to suck our blood and our earnings.

We can't entirely blame other's for our pathetic condition. We are the first to reach and accident spot to rescue people, but we are the first to elude becoming witnesses to crimes. We get off a halted train and start a long walk home. But we will never think of suing the railway ministry for their inaction, because it's simply too much hassle. We're the first to make pakodas and chai for people that are cold in the rains, but our commitment to a better life for us never goes beyond the arm-chair conscience of sending SMS messages calling for action.

When does this stop? I'm trying my best to be sobre about this. But, when the hell does this stop? And who puts and end to this? Aren't we're taking entirely too much bull shit ... from the government, from the non-existent homeland security, from social encroachers, from organized crime, from rising prizes, from increasing finance ministry demands?

We're the greatest contributor for our country and our country gives us back nothing. Each year we pour our hard earned money into the government's coffers only to have no understanding of where it all went. And in the end become victims of someone's misplaced anger.

This has to stop ... we need to ask more questions, we need to find more answers and most importantly, we have to demand and get what we are due.

Low cost / No cost … or just plain No Choice Airlines

2006-02-23T23:14:00.001-08:00

I would have reported this live from the plane had they not asked me to not use my cellphone. I wonder why ... considering that the plane was so beat up, a toothpick in the flaps would have brought it down.

Whilst in Delhi, I finished what I came for. A job well done.

Delhi, a city that never ceases to surprise me did so again. Not only did it allow me to finish what I came for (which it never did), it also showed me a new fortunately optimistic face of things to come for the country (previously showcase what was worse about the country)

But I’d not be writing about the new and improved Delhi, would I? Just not frustrating enough for me to rant about.

I enjoyed this morning’s flight to Delhi on Kingfisher airways. What a lovely airline. Yana Gupta gave us the introduction to the plane’s systems. She’s a treat to watch. Cutie air-hostesses serving you foor putting on their prettiest smiles. Good food too. Vijay Mallya promises to take care of you as his own personal guest. One random ticket fs

But I’d not be writing about

This is about No Cost airlines. They make me wonder why they bothered fuelling their planes. Why didn’t they tie pigeons to the wings instead? Maybe that way they would get to lower the prices enough to allow you to fly with your bai and doodhwala. That will happen eventually. For now, every dimwit that can afford a Janata Express 2nd AC ticket will FLIEE LIKE AN YEEGILL.

Did I say lower the prices? Whereas booked prices are around 2K, this amount increased as the flight nears. And these are the only airlines that have really late night flights. And there’s a strong reason. To milk tired techhies stuck in server rooms (like me) of their hard earned money. Yes, you’re right, typically techhies are supposed to be reimbursed by their companies for airline tickets. But that happens against bills. No-cost carriers don’t believe in paperwork. So, no bill. Thus, no reimbursment. They give you a ticket printed out on JK Copier, which they probably take back while issuing a boarding pass. That JK Copier goes back to JK for recycling – half into toilet paper and other half into air sickness bags. Both used heavily, since the plane pitches and yaws like a dolphin on heroin.

Paaaparrp …. There … fucking again someone farted. What is it with people and farting on planes? It’s like they hold their shit through the day until it ferments into the most disgusting stinky gas possible, only so that they can release it in the late night flight.

As I was saying, both toilet paper and air sickness bags, used heavily, since the plane pitches and yaws like Stevie Wonder singing into a vibrator. Churning both your tummy and your bowels to their limits.

For those who didn’t ge the Stevie Wonder joke … You put Stevie Wonder in front of a jumping dildo and he puts his hand on it. What do you think he’s going to think it is? A MIKE. Now, take the effort.

Enough interruptions. One question to No-Cost Air. Why do babies travel free? Do you know what free baby travel means? More babies WITH THEIR MOMS. The only difference between a crying baby and a frenzied piranha is the mom. And what a difference to have !!! With every gut-grinding scream that a babie let’s out, the mum screams back in a glass-shattering pitch, each time asking “Kya hua !!! Kya hua !!!” (What happened !!! What happened !!!).

Tera baap, m******od !!!

What do you think happened? Your incompetence decided to rear its ugly face, showing itself in personification. If only you didn’t miss the pill and your husband didn’t get dirty thoughts, this demon that is thrashing in your arms would have still been inside you. Not only do you copulate and bring it out, you also have no clue what to do with it now that it’s out. You can’t shove it back in. So shove it up other people’s asses.

Paaaabhurrrrrr ….. Again someone farted. This time a longer, stronger, wetter one. This is possibly why they don’t allow lighters and matches on planes. For the fear that when someone farts, if someone seeks revenge, all they have to do is strike a match and follow the flame to be led to the bastard that ate too much mashed potato for lunch.

Oh hell … now the baby belches a milk burp on my face. Has anyone ever smelt a milk burp? It smells like lemon rinds curried in a camel’s butthole.

Why did I choose to fly in this No-Cost Airline? Because I wanted to get home. I’m not like each of these advance-booking, nuclear fart releasing, freebie hungry baby-mongers. I worked hard, only to get ripped off at the end of the day only so that I can get home to my wife (who isn’t at home, incidentally because two lizards and the darkness have taken over) and sleep in my own bed.

Plurp..prwaarpp … KON THA B******OD … KON THA ?!!!??

Malayali Naamkaran

2006-02-23T23:14:00.000-08:00

How Mallu names are "formed" ...

http://themadman.livejournal.com/10837.html

:) Scotty Bhau

2006-01-04T02:37:00.000-08:00

Quotable quotes from the world's most witty writer ...Scott Adams

"I realize that people all over the world have bigger problems, but frankly I can’t feel their pain. For some reason I only feel my own. I’m lucky that way."

"I can tell you with authority that the only difference between Larry King and Hillary Duff is distance and lighting."

"If you see a Realtor’s photo and she looks less than stunning, chances are that in person she would make Stevie Wonder barf just from listening to her perspire."

Scott ... you have no idea how much you make my life worth living. :)

WAT THE FCUK !!!!

2005-12-18T23:22:00.000-08:00

How retarded can product manufacturers get ...

Find out here ...

The pitch is ... Circumcised men around the world can get their lost foreskin back using the Senslip artificial foreskin.

Let's unite and scream "WAT THE FCUK !!!!"

Unless someone can reason why someone would miss their foreskin.

More Desis on Dilbert

2005-12-18T22:48:00.000-08:00

:) Just had to get this out ... Vijay is the world's most desperate venture capitalist. Does this mean there are more desis scouting worthy ideas?

I follow Scott Adam's blog daily, smart guy ... if he feels desis are desperate VCs, I'll take his word for it and work on my ideas ...

So should you.

I bit the dust ...

2005-12-18T20:50:00.000-08:00

Hi peoples,

I married Prachi Panvelkar on the 15th of this month.

It was a quiet, quick and small ceremony that pronounced us husband and wife after 10 years of knowing each other, several break-ups and patch-ups and a heavily turmulous relationship.

It's been four days since we got married and life has just gotten better.

Photos and other gory details to come soon.

Cheers ...

The alleged Godfather of Disco ...

2005-11-28T05:16:00.000-08:00

Enough said ... now see and laugh your balls off.

The Law of the Seed

2005-11-27T23:48:00.000-08:00

As a follow-up of my conversations with Manni and Abhi last night, here's a forward which I'm glad I received. It's made my day and hopefully influenced a large portion of my life. Paras and Bird ... this post especially applies to the three of us. Apurva, this doesn't apply to you, but I'd still like you to read it.

Take a look at an apple tree. There might be five hundred apples on the tree, each with ten seeds. That's a lot of seeds. We might ask, "Why would you need so many seeds to grow just a few more trees?"

Nature has something to teach us here. It's telling us: "Most seeds never grow. So if you really want to make something happen, you had better try more than once.

This might mean:
You'll attend twenty interviews to get one job.
You'll interview forty people to find one good employee.
You'll talk to fifty people to sell one house, car, vacuum cleaner, insurance policy, or idea.
And you might meet a hundred acquaintances to find one special friend.

When we understand the "Law of the Seed", we don't get so disappointed. We stop feeling like victims. Laws of nature are not things to take personally. We just need to understand them - and work with them.

In a nutshell, successful people fail more often. They plant more seeds.

When things are beyond your control, here's a recipe for permanent misery:
a) Decide how you think the world SHOULD be.
b) Make rules for how everyone SHOULD behave.

Then, when the world doesn't obey your rules, get angry! That's what miserable people do!

Let's say you expect that:
Friends SHOULD return favors.
People SHOULD appreciate you.
Planes SHOULD arrive on time.
Everyone SHOULD be honest.
Your spouse SHOULD remember your birthday.

These expectations may sound reasonable. But often, these things won't happen! So you end up frustrated and disappointed. There's a better strategy. Have less demands. Instead, have preferences!

For things that are beyond your control, tell yourself: "I WOULD PREFER "A", BUT IF "B" HAPPENS, IT'S OK TOO!" This is really a game that you play in your head. It is a shift in attitude, and it gives you more peace of mind.

You prefer that people are polite .... but when they are rude, it doesn't ruin your day. You prefer sunshine ... but rain is ok!

To become happier, we either need to
a) change the world, or
b) change our thinking.

It is easier to change our thinking!

It's not what happens to you that determines your happiness. It's how you think about what happens to you.

Adding to this lovely text, is what Abhi sent me by SMS the other night ...

Sometimes we all need to realize that negative thoughts have no power. We
empower them.

We really live in a world where our happiness is determined by our ability to control the way we think and (re)act.

P(aras) Joke #2

2005-11-23T04:45:00.000-08:00

Another Gem ... Notice the sexy sub-titling.

A dude walks into the canteen with a bunch of flowers in plastic wrapping. Our man Paras looks at him and continues munching on his smoke.

Soon, the same dude walks out with the flowers in a jar, with the plastic wrapping still on.

Paras: "Abbe ch*tiye, plastic mein rakhega to paani kaise pahunchega"
(If you're going to keep the plastic wrapping on, how do you expect the water to reach the flowers, moron)

Dude: "Boss, neeche se khula hai"
(Boss, underneath its open")

Paras: "To zip bandh kar naa"
(Then close the zip naa)

I'm still reeling from the massive attack. :)

Bad influence

2005-11-21T22:54:00.000-08:00

Everyone knows by now (everyone I have told), that Paras and I work together.

Everyone also knows that Paras is PJ (poor joke) king.

Here's an example of bad influences.

Conversation 1: Alap getting frustrated with the IBM trackpoint, hoping Lenovo would add a portable mouse to their package. Since Paras is well aquainted with everyone in the office, Alap opens an MSN window and shoots ...

Alap: Paras, where the fuck will I get a mouse?
Paras: At Siddhivinayak Temple.
Alap: L*nd fakir, Ch*t ka b**l.

Conversation 2: Paras, bored and confused, reads a nice joke he wants to crack and opens up an MSN window to Alap and goes ...

Paras:Ram ne Sita se shaadi ki,
Ravan ne Sita ka apaharan kiya,
Hanuman ne Sita ko bachaya,
To batao, vastav mein hero kaun?
Alap: Sanjay Dutt
Paras: :)
Alap: Paras Joke (PJ)

Those who don't get these, don't even try.

Those who do ... Contrary to popular belief, we're not overpaid bums. We're just bored. :)

Etymology - Shit

2005-11-15T22:14:00.000-08:00

In the 16th and 17th centuries, before commercial
fertilizer was invented, large shipments of manure
were transported by ship. It was shipped in dry
bundles because in dry form it weighed a lot less
than when wet-but once water hit it at sea, it not
only became heavier, but when the process of
fermentation began, a byproduct which is methane gas
was formed. It didn't take long for methane to build
up below decks and the first time someone came below
at night with a lantern, BOOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before
somebody figured out what was happening. Once they
determined the role that manure played in the
explosions,

everybody began stamping the bundles with the term
"Ship High In Transit", so that the sailors would
know to stow it high enough off the lower decks so
that any water that came into the hold would not
touch this volatile cargo and start the production
of methane.
!
Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T," which has come down
through the centuries and is in use to this very
day. You probably did not know the true history of
this word. :-P

Hero #1: Asok

2005-11-07T02:41:00.000-08:00

I have a new favorite comic character. Everyone who knows Dilbert (the whole world) and is Desi (Half the intelligent population of the world, that's very few) will know Asok. Feared, revered, loathed yet admired, Asok is an IIT grad working as an intern in Dilbert's whacko office.

Sastendra #1: DivX Players

2005-11-04T01:41:00.000-08:00

For those who are curious to know what "sastendra" is ... sastendra = sasta + jeetendra = cheap and ... flashy (for the lack of a good adjective for Jeetendra)

Vhidiocon (that's Marathi for Videocon) has a recently entered the DivX player market with a super-chindi, kaam chalau and fultu sasta DVD player, the DVD 77S4. It's hard to refuse this piece at a Rs. 2990. But I'll try reasoning.

Somehow buck-by-buck, the Philips DVP5106K, which I recently purchased, seems like a much much better deal. It's slot loading (no tray breakage to deal with), literally plays anything (DVD/CD media-wise as well as DivX/XVid codec-wise), looks great, had a good build quality and has a remote that doesn't disappoint. The price is higher, of course, at Rs. 4850

If one intend to be a budget concious entertainment buyer, Videocon's player plays most DivX/XVid formats leaving DivX 3.11 Alpha and at the ridiculously low price of Rs. 2990, is the winner of the SASTENDRA awards for the DivX Player category.

I'd heard of Philips combatting this new threat by slashing prices to Rs. 3000, but I'm not sure if this is for the DVP5106K. If it is, then the award will be rudely snatched away and permanently given to the mind-bogglingly brilliant Philips player.

Paro, recommended that you turn in your old DVD player and buy one of these nifty DivX Players.

Note:
Funny story with regards to buying my player. I had a small war with a lethal aunty while buying. There were three pieces in the store I went. I already bought one, lethal aunty had bought the other and the third was a display piece. Lethal aunty wanted my piece because it looked newer. Mangesh, the "salesperson" (who she kept calling "Manges") tried hard to explain to the aunty that the pieces are from the same import batch and the "good looking" piece was no different and was already sold to me. THE AUNTY ACTUALLY TRIED TO SWIPE AND EXCHANGE HER'S WITH MINE, while I wasn't looking. She didn't give it back to me easily either, for once it was in her hands, she started behaving like BOTH pieces belonged to her. I had to do the infamous "HAAP" manouver to get her to give it back. I'm sure, while I was paying and "Manges" was reprocuring my player, she licked it and rubbed her oily hair and armpits on it before she gave it back to me. The plastic bag I got it in smelt like a genital herpes epidemic. Had to get "Manges" to change the bag for me. :)

Desi Re-bonding .....(OR I'm funny again ...)

2005-10-26T06:05:00.000-07:00

I was wanting to write a funny blog post since days. Requests from a lot of people and my brother, Apoo making a classic post that was begging for my tippani ("comment" in hindi), here goes.

Read this post on Apoo's blog first.

It's a subtle witty post by Apoo who despite being very popular with the ladies, always pretends to be this "Rajpal Yadav in alternate ABCD reality" character. It's a ploy, ladies. Don't fall for it. It's way too smart and pretty to be what he shows he is.

Apoo mentions this desi married woman (all of whom we call "Aunty" here ... ref. Baangd) who is his new neighbour and has mysterious ways of "running" into him. Like asking him for more bananas (you read it right ... he read it wrong), asking him to remove her finger ring and running into his apartment spooked by mysterious feet in the women's loo.

Apoo, did it ever occur to you that the woman may think you're hot as Brad Pitt (or you that actually ARE Brad Pitt if she is intellectually deprived), but sadly, since she is married, she doesn't know what to do about it?

Maybe the only way she can reach out to you, be close to you, talk to you, touch you ... is by sharing bananas, playing finger-ring games and asking you to be the knight in shining armor. All in pure BAALYWOOD style !!!

Here's what I visualize ...

Scene 1: (Inspiration ... SILKH SMITHA in Sadma)

Apoo, from now on called, Desi Brad Pitt (DBP), sitting in his room. Hot Desi Aunty (HDA) walks past his room and notices him eating a banana. An intense wave of passion passes through her entire body. Feelings she has never felt before.

BEGIN "FANTASY SEQUENCE"
Camera zooms close to DBP's mouth. Lenny Kravitz's "American Woman" starts playing in the background. The banana is slowly shown entering DBP's mouth, DBP sensuously nibbles a piece of the banana, slowly removing the banana, very loudly and obviously chewining on it with his lips slightly pouted in a Bruce Willis style smile. As he gulps down, he makes a slight head twich and winks at the woman, his eyes saying "Just like that, baby, just ... like ... that ..."
END "FANTASY SEQUENCE"

HDA realizes she is staring and fantasizing and has actually entered the room and is standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. She straightens herself and does a Chandler ... "Got another banana?"

Our man says "Uhhh... sorry, this is the only one I have".

Realizing she has done major bloji (custom slang for shit) and she needs to exit as gracefully as she can. Things can only get better from here. HDA says "Ok", gathers the shattered pieces of her ego and walks away.

Scene 2: (Inspiration ... Karishma Kapoor in Prem Qaidi, with ShreeDeva (Also known as Harish, the he-bitch))

Apoo, by now convinced that a socially stunted HDA is living next to him, is curious of what she might do next, conveniently keeps his door unlocked so that knocking can't occur.

Meanwhile, HDA is trying to take her mind off DBP next door. Decides to complete the Cauchy-Shwartz corollary of Minkowski's inequality (some math jargon we picked in college) that her husband has been struggling with on the white board. Yeah, that happens in BAALYWOOD. Women accidentally stumble upon the solution to their husbands problems.

While she's at it, she realizes that she's still fantasizing and has chewed off the top of the marker and has spillt ink on her fingers. She needs to wash it off, but if she tried to wash with her wedding ring (now a sore memory of what she can't do with DBP) on, the diamond solitaire might fall off.
No one's home. DBP is next door. Could this be coincidence? Can HDA have a closer look at him on this pretext?

Without warning, her legs, now controlled by her heart, run to DBP's room.

Apoo, expecting the barging, stares on. HDA, feverish with what her legs and heart have just made her do, says "Can you take out my ring? If I remove it, the diamonds will get the black color and then its difficult to wash it out."

She omits the real, thepla (a.k.a. goozoo) reason behind removing the ring. At least her heart is doing something right.

BEGIN "FANTASY SEQUENCE"
Camera zooms close to DBP's face. Jeetendra's "Naino mein sapna, sapnon mein sajani" starts playing in the background. Apoo clears his throat, smiles a Madhuri Dixit megawatter and gently lifts her hand. takes cellotape off his desk, wraps her ring finger in it (yes, there's a reason). He then does something that makes the woman want to do things to him right there. Ever so lightly, he lifts her hand up, puts her wrapper ring finger in his mouth, lubricates it with his tongue and deftly pulls out the ring with his teeth. Unwraps the finger and as he tosses the tape over his shoulder into the dust-bin, he makes a slight head twich and winks at the woman, his eyes saying "Just like that, baby, just ... like ... that ..."
END "FANTASY SEQUENCE"

The woman checks her pants for discharges. She's too married for this. Apoo, funnily, is still naively struggling with the ring, obviously very uncomfortable that HDA is panting all over him.

She says a silent prayer, hoping that this ends soon so she can clean up .... her hands and herself. Apoo succeeds, she flees. By now, convinced that she has completely lost her heart to DBP, she returns to her home, now a prison of legal commitment.

Scene 3: (Inspiration ... Anil Kapoor and Sridevi in "Kaante Nahi Kat-te" in Mr. India + PSYCHO + To Wong Foo)

It's cold. It may even have drizzled. HDA thinks its too cold to allow her pee to freeze inside her body :S and proceeds to the ladies loo to relieve herself. She carried a couple of outdated "Playgirl" magazines (belonging to her gay gujrati devar (bro-in-law)) with her hoping to get lucky with herself. The apartment management had hired transvestite bouncers to keep unethical practices (use of playgirl) in check. One such transvestite was patrolling the loo, hidden and promiscuous. HDA enters, goes to the "compartment" and proceeds to relieve herself. Transvestite bouncer hears pages ruffle. Alert and motionless, "it" continues to listen. HDA notices motionless feet, freaks and runs. As always, since hubby isn't around and the heart takes over, she goes straight to her savior, her messiah, Apoo.

BEGIN "FANTASY SEQUENCE"
Thunder. Lightening. Rain that looks like Abhi is hosing his plants. (For the record, Abhi doesn't have plants, he is visually challenged, thus rain spraying aimlessly but unidirectionally). In the comfort of his home, DBP waits for the next challenge that HDA will put up. HDA bursts through the doors. They stand in front of each other, eyes denuding them of all shame or morals remaining between them. She runs to him, his manly arms engulfing her, making her feel like a dog under a rug on a cold winter night.

"Mujhe darr lag raha hai" (I'm scared)
"Mere hote hue tumhe koi dara nahi sakta, jaan" (No one can scare you while i'm around you, life)
"Koi mera peechha kar raha hai. Bathroom mein bhi aa gaya tha" (Someone is following me ... into the loo too)
"Jab tak main tumhare saath hoon, tumhe koi nahi chhoo sakta" (No one can scare you while i'm around you ... in more words)
"Vaada karo, tum mera saath kabhi nahi chhodoge" (Promise me you'll never leave me)
"Vaada karta hoon, jaaneman, jab tak is seene mein saansein hongi, tab tak main tumhare saath rahoonga" (I'll be with you for as long as I am breathing, mind-of-life)

He knows his words and arms have done the trick, she feels safe and he feels cozy. He looks into her eyes deeply, makes a slight head twich and winks at the woman, his eyes saying "Just like that, baby, just ... like ... that ..."

"Ohhh .... Brad"
"Ohhh .... Aunty"

Their endocrine systems take over. They are swept away in a sea of madness. They do the inevitable ... Cut DBP's finger and make Salmon Tikka ....
END "FANTASY SEQUENCE" ... very rudely

HDA thinks "Cut DBP's finger and make Salmon Tikka" .... wat the fcuk ... snapping out of this ... this .... THING ... that even I can't find a word for ... she looks at the not-so-near-as-she'd-like Apoo and let's go.

"I am feeling scared." .... "Huh...?" .... "I went to ....."

Receiving no knightly response from Apoo, she turns around and relieves herself in the flower pot in the lobby. This is wierd. Having seen him again, it's all better now. Even peeing in a flower pot seems casual. She thinks she has finally, after being married to Ratanbhai Nagardas Zaveri for 11 months, she's found the man she was supposed to be with. America is truly the land of dreams.
She giggles. And skips off into her room to let her heart show her a new way to meet DBP.

WILL LOVE TRIUMPH OVER APOO'S DESI PARANOIA? WILL HDA FINALLY BE WITH THE MAN OF HER DREAMS? WILL H.D. DEVEGOWDA APOLOGIZE TO N. NARAYAN MURTHY?

Contrary to popular belief after reading this whacko story, I am very busy with work. :)

Apoo ... she's got the hots for you ... handle with extreme care ... :P

The Baangd Perspective

2005-10-18T01:10:00.000-07:00

Baangd kept telling us, we never listened. It's now official. Women over 40 are more desirable than their younger counterparts.

Here are just a few agreeable reasons why. Baangd, you can thank me later and continue with your conquest.

1) A woman over 40 will not lay next to you in bed and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

2) If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

3) A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

4) Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

5) Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

6) A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

7) Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.

8) A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick and dark eye-shadow. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

9) Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.

10) Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy Elvis-hungover relic in yellow pants and a green checkered polo t-shirt, making a fool of himself with some 18 year-old waitress who finds solace in staring at his road-kill toupe'.

11) This one is for K.Chandran, your mild mannered friend. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why?
....
....
....
....

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage. :P

Frusto Rant

2005-10-13T09:08:00.000-07:00

1. Never give me work in the morning .Always wait until 4:00 and
then bring it to me .The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10
minutes to enquire how it's going .That helps. Or even better, hover
behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives
me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies don't
open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic
and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever
be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the
priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have
nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If it gets out, it
could mean a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be
popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them
down.In fact. save them until the job is almost done. No use
confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to
know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you
refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really
change your life and send you straight to managers hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's
nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story
about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus cheque you received for
being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD
have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of
living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway ...

Et Tu, Tata - The worse, most horrendous broadband

2005-10-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

You'd expect more from Tata, wouldn't you? You've heard and known this company since you were a child. Their ads scream integrity and value. Their name is flashed as the behemoth of Indian industry. Sadly, even they are just one in the lot.

for those who do not wish to read a sob story, I'll cut to the chase. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT BUYING A CONNECTION FROM TATA INDICOM VSNL. With other ISPs, at least you know who you can grab. Here, Tata's legendary red tape runs from the lowest to the highest employee and you can NEVER know who to grab.

I agree all ISPs are disgusting vile creatures of sloth and greed. To get away from the cable mafia, I tried a corporate brand. And I expected different from the Tatas. I made an online request on their website www.tataindicom.com. Some DSA Rajesh calls me with major balltalk about availability and getting me a connection in one week flat. A decent acquaintance works with Tata Broadband at a senior sales position, so I thought maybe if things go wrong, I can try mending them through him. The DSA runs to my place, collects a cheque and promises me a connection in 3 days. Payment goes out on the third day there-on. It's been over a month and a half, not a single phone call from them. Of the four calls that I made to them, the result was continuous false promises, bad attitude and deceit.

Dig this ... before I can know what the problem was ... the last call i made to them, i find that my request is undergoing refund processing. And I never asked for a refund. NEVER. When asked why,

Salim (8th Sept.) Santosh (11th Oct), Michael (13th Oct): Customer service executives ...
Their favourite dialog "I have forwarded your request to the concerned department and they will be getting back to you shortly."
With no clue of what to do with an incoming connection and what the status is of each connection, when they are asked for their managers, they freak. When they are asked a question on the connection itself, they freak.

Mittul Shah: Support Team Supervisor (the worse yet)
Can you believe someone hanging up on a customer? I asked to speak with his manager, and he said "I am not authorized to, I'm sorry I cannot." and then HANGS UP.

Kiran (1st Oct): Support Manager (Fake promises and bad attitude)
"If you are not going to listen to me then I will have to disconnect."
"I gaurantee you that I will get your connection running in 15 days. Or else I will process your refund."
The refund process happened on the 13th day without my knowledge. Also, on the 13th Oct, Michael and Mittul confirmed that it will take another 15 days for my connection to get started. And that the refund process has already started.

"So if you want your connection activated, wait for the refund money to come to you and then apply again."

When asked who I can talk to higher up, I was told to go to VSNL head office. The big building at the corner of fashion street in Fort. So that I can face more red tape and table surfing.

Save yourselves friends ... ignore Tata Indicom and beg for a good ISP to grow in India.

50 Word Story #2: Bumming Cigarettes

2005-09-23T04:01:00.000-07:00

“Relax, man. It happens. Don’t feel awkward or weird about it. I’m your pal, been so for years and will remain so, for good. Being around is what pals do.”

That was all he needed to hear.

For someone so popular yet so lonely, those words meant the world.

50 Word Story #1: Love, Death and Suicide

2005-09-23T03:48:00.000-07:00

He sat there mute as she, one after another, lashed his sins out on him. He loves her, this can’t be his doing. She isn’t very loveable NOW, is she?

The gun lay there on the table between them ...

“I won’t be punished anymore ... ”

BANG !!!

Barry Hilton One Liners...

2005-09-21T01:59:00.000-07:00

1. I was so poor growing up... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had nothing to play with.

2. A girl phoned me the other day & said, "Come on over; nobody's home."I went over. Nobody was home.

3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

4. One day I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early".

5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning... put a shirt on & a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase & the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

6. I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up with sand.

7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster & radio.

8. I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

9. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room & said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

11. I'm so ugly... my mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was born.

12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped & they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said,"I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

15. I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, & people kept asking how big I'd get.

16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up & I look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks & get some rest.

18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favourite bone is my arm. Last night he went on the paper 4 times - 3 of those times I was reading it.

20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.

21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

Life before the computer ...

2005-09-21T01:10:00.000-07:00

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a broken disk,
It would hurt when you found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut--you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

Sooper Sandaas #2

2005-09-16T00:07:00.000-07:00

Check this joke out.

http://www.beedogs.com

Its remarkable how much time some people have. Not just to create a website like this, but to also do this to their dogs.

Thursday 22nd Sept. "No Fuel Day" in India ....

2005-09-14T22:48:00.000-07:00

It has been calculated that if everyone did not purchase a drop of petrol for one day and all at the same time, the oil companies would choke on their stockpiles.

At the same time it would hit the entire industry with a net loss over 4.6 billion dollars which affects the bottom lines of the oil companies.

Therefore Thursday September 22nd has been formally declared "stick it up their behind" day and the people of this nation should not buy a single drop of petrol that day.

The only way this can be done is if you forward this e-mail to as many people as you can and as quickly as you can to get the word out. Waiting on the government to step in and control the prices is not going to happen. What happened to the reduction and control in prices that the Arab nations promised two weeks ago?

Remember one thing, not only is the price of petrol going up but at the
Same time airlines are forced to raise their prices, trucking companies are forced to raise their prices which affects prices on everything that is shipped. Things like food, clothing, building supplies medical supplies etc. Who pays in the end? We do!

We can make a difference, if they don't get the message after one day, we will do it again and again. So do your part and spread the word. Forward this email to everyone you know. Mark your calendars and make September 22nd a day that the citizens say "enough is enough".

Visitors are also encouraged to put this up on their blogs and mail it to their friends in India. This is important to our way of life.

:) Nice Bloggie #1

2005-09-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

http://sambharmafia.blogspot.com/

I found Kaps' blog refreshingly "tasty".

With the right mix of ingredients: general knowledge, his life and the occasional random bakwaas, Kaps puts his sambhar where his tongue is and let's his fingers do the talking.

Enjoy this one.

Sooper Sandaas #1

2005-09-13T09:16:00.000-07:00

Just when I was confused about the world being more confused than I was, I read this ...

WTF? http://www.hindustantimes.com/news/181_1476267,00050003.htm

I don't know what to say ...

Maybe I shouldn't ...

Electrical Flucks .. A blue film

2005-07-04T00:34:00.000-07:00

A little knowledge of electricity is a must to enjoy this !!!!!!

One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro Farad decided to try to get a cute coil to let him discharge. He picked up Millie Amp and took her for a ride in his megacycle.

They rode across Wheatstone bridge, around the sine wave and stopped in a magnetic field by a flowing current. Micro Farad, attracted by Millie's characteristic curves, decided to engage in a little mutual inductance, and soon had her resistance at a minimum and his field fully excited.

He laid her on the ground potential, raised her frequency, lowered her capacitance, and pulled out his high voltage probe. He inserted it into her tank circuit, connecting them in parallel, and began to short circuit her shunt.

Fully excited, Millie Amp cried, 'MHO, MHO, it Hertz, but give me MHO'.

With his tube operation at maximum amplitude, and her coil vibrating from the current flow, they soon reached plate saturation and found their cut-off point.

The heavy current flow had gotten the anodes of her tubes hot and Micro Farad rapidly discharged and drained off
every electron.

They fluxed all night, trying various connections and sockets until his bar magnet had lost all of its field strength and her grid was leaking.

Afterwards, Millie Amp tried self induction and damaged her solenoids. With his battery fully discharged and his contacts corroded, Micro Farad was unable to excite his generator, so they ended by reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses...

Help, I can't breathe .....

2005-05-25T01:51:00.000-07:00

My friends, I present to you, the dumbest contraption I have ever seen in my life.

The Sitara City Cart.

http://habibmotorcars.com/main.html

I have been unable to breathe ever since I have seen this one.

Help me....

Dilbert says

2005-05-20T06:21:00.000-07:00

:) My favorite satire splooge, Dilbert has the following things to say:

I say no to drugs they just don't listen.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
Born free taxed to death.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
The hardest part of skating is the ice.
My phone number is 17. We got one of the early ones.
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he as the genius.
The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.
If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
Someday is not a day of the week.

Money and its versatility

2005-05-17T01:22:00.000-07:00

I love money. Anyone who has known me or met me, knows that I smell money. And I doubt there is anyone on Earth that will ever deny their love for money. If they do, then they are only kidding themselves.

Yet, I have never loved money as much as I do today. Only because today, it has stopped becoming just the facilitator or the enabler. It has shown a truly innovative form - the scapegoat.

A client gives us a requirement. The requirement is as always in the "needed it yesterday" mode. And thats what we are for. As-of-yesterday solutions. It's not a proud space to be in. Our people are always over-worked. There's barely any method internally, still we fllow strict protocol for exectuing our work. And because of our commitment to our goals, we perform miracles.

The client gets what they want, but they forget a major component of their contribution to the success of their solution. THEIR INVOLVEMENT. They forget that connecting all the dots makes a complete picture. A single break will leave enough gap for everything to collapse. SEI-CMM and Six Sigma exist to prevent these loops to creep in. Processes are defined so that you never leave a gap that can be used, abused or exploited. The client must know and be aware of the importance of processes in a highly volatile environment. The client must be aware of the consequences of a process failure. It is your moral and ethical duty to convey the seriousness of processes to your client. Explain this to the client and the client comes back with a prompt "Is it the money?" or "What is the issue? Do you want more money?". Explain this to your boss and you get "You made a mistake under pressure." or a "The relationship is more important."

Aside of being humiliated or disheartened at your ethics being reduced to greed or pressure, what hurts more than anything is that money, the enabler, the facilitator has become money the scapegoat. And processes, the means, the path, have become invisible or taken-for-granted.

Maybe I take things too seriously. But then maybe things are to be taken seriously. Its about time we all grew up to assume our roles in the greater ecosystem to produce a better world. If we do not live our ideology, then we will never be able to make a difference.

Think about the number of times you work ad-hoc, and thing about the number of times it returns to bite your butt. Think about it.

Think !!!!!

My attitude at work

2005-05-16T01:00:00.000-07:00

Some commitment this ..... updating my blog after ages. Folks that missed me, sorry :)

I've been asked several times. By several different people. What drives me at work. On keener observation, I realized taht I rarely work for money. The times taht I did try working for money, I landed up feeling like a prostitute. Selling my wares at an hourly rate. Yeah, sounds sick, but thats how you feel when you're made of different stuff inside. some people relish prostitution and call it consulting, without knowing a single thing of what consulting means. Consulting is a different debate, a different blog post.

What am I made of? What drives me at work. The following words by Napolean Bonaparte perfectly describe the kind of person I am at work.

Give me enough medals, and I'll win you any war.

I live and breathe this statement at work. My medals come in various forms. It can be stock options, devices, raises or just a pat on the back. A single "medal" will propel me in to another dimension. A higher state of work. My productivity quadruples, my senses sharpen and amazing products like Amieo (www.amieo.com) come into existence in a matter of a month.

Conversely, if I am left punching keys at my desk expected to perform because my job description requires me to, I will go rotten. The exact opposite will happen. Soul cancer.

Is it right to be this way? Is it right to thrive so much on recognition and power? I doubt. i think it is a lesson to every leader. Gratitude, recognition and reward are going to be the best motivators, period. Everything else will just remain "there but not quite".

My blog .... my commitment

2005-03-31T22:35:00.000-08:00

What am i doing?

I quit a hugely profitable job to go back to a low paying job only to invite all my troubles back.

AND I'M HAPPY !!!!!

I bought two cars and now have a fleet with which i can start my own taxi service. Fuel prices go higher, I eat into whatever I have remaining.

AND I'M HAPPY !!!!!

I haven't met my friends properly in a month, I work more than 16 hours a day, I am 26 and I look 42.

AND I'M HAPPY !!!!!

Looks like I've found my space.
Look for more on this blog. I'm soon going to go back to being witty, regular and entertaining as before.

If God were a Computer Programmer

2005-02-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

You know, many important theological questions are answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer: (for any technical clarification you can ask questions in the comment box:D ). This is a bit boring, but some answers are pretty interesting.

Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step through all those variables.

Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier versions. (BUGS !! idhar bhi !! )

Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.

Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in the maintenance phase.

Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is a MIS director who takes credit for more powers thanhe actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared of him. God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.

Q: What is the role of sinners?
A: Sinners are the people who find new an imaginative ways to mess up the system when God has made it idiot-proof.

Q: Where will I go after I die?
A: Onto a DAT tape.

Q: Will I be reincarnated?
A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searchingthose tar files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you, God will just say that the tape has been lost.

Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running exact duplicates of you in the present release version.

Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then the users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless stuff onto it and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.

Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get off his back and let him work.

Q: What is the one true religion?
A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick the one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you down.

Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common word, or a date like your birthday.

Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?
A: They are much more likely to receive email.

Crossover Movies

2005-02-15T02:49:00.000-08:00

Credit: Ralph - http://statueofpuberty.blogspot.com/

Silence Of The Sorcerers Stone - Hannibal Lector eats Harry Potter.

Matrix Vs. Terminator in Terminator: Revolutions - The war is on between the machines and the humans, and Neo must face up against a machine sent from the future to enslave humanity in a virtual-reality.

James Bond meets Erin Brokovich - The Spy Who Sued Me.

Forrest Gump v Scooby Doo - Dumb and Dumber.

The Odd Couple - starring C-3PO and the Terminator.

8 Green Mile - Will a wrongfully accused giant black man rap his way out of prison and intro the free life?

Kramer vs Kramer vs Godzilla - A custody battle goes horrible wrong when Dustin Hoffman is eaten by an enormous green mutant lazard - luckily, so is Meryl Streep.

BatWars - Batman goes into space to save the universe with Hans Solo and Batgirl. He finds out that the Riddler is his father and somehow we know that things have just started going down hill!

John Grisham's remake of Titanic - A ship full of lawyers hits an iceberg and goes down in the middle of the sea. Can't be all that bad, eh?

The 6th Spidey-Sense - After being bitten by a freak mutant spider, things only get worse for young Peter as he starts seeing dead spiders everywhere.

The Malcolm X-Files - Mouldy and Sulker are called upon to investigate a CIA conspiracy about black rights leaders from outer space.

Gump Fiction - Forest goes "midevil" on everyone's ass! "Just you try and take a chocolate!"

Titanic:007 - James Bond tries to stop the Titanic from sinking. Does Leonardo keep the girl? Or does she fall for 007?

Credit - BIRD

The Lord Of The Ring: Anyone who wears the ring dies in 7 days. Sauron is trying to get the ring so that he can commit suicide.

To Cynapse and beyond

2005-02-01T02:16:00.000-08:00

I'm BACK !!!!!!!

I'm back with Cynapse. A happy, satisfied, pregnant with enthusiasm person .......

Now ..... to generate revenues .......

Watch this space for the best in strategy and technology implementations

Random Tharkigiri

2004-11-19T03:06:00.000-08:00

Whoever thinks I'm a tharki, can kiss my hairy a**.
I'm a MAN :) go figure.

http://www.virtualbartender.beer.com/beer_usa.htm

Try the words - strip, dance, fight, pillow fight, beer.com, lick ..... and any words that you can think of, lots to be discovered.

The one i like the best is "KISS" .................... :P

Livin' la Virar local.......

2004-09-24T07:10:00.000-07:00

He's in a Virar Local,
Destination Goregaon.
Right hand's holding Mid-Day,
With left he's hanging on...

Pushed in at Dadar station,
Got a few blows on his mouth.
Crushed beyond recognition,
Wallet's been taken out...

They'll stand on your lil pinkies, When you get into the train.
They squeeze your breath from both of your lungs, Until they make you scream in pain.

And all your settings gone in vain, C' MON

CHORUS:
Upside, Inside Out
Livin' la Virar local.
They'll push and pull you out,
Livin' la Virar local.
And who's gonna tell them no?
You try and they'll make your kheema
They will knock you out
Livin' la Virar local.
Hey...Livin' la Virar local.

Wake up... in Borivli,
Oh shit, missed Goregaon.
And now, he's feeling silly,
Because, he's in Naigoan...

They took all his clothes off and had him dancing in the train,
They made him sing a bhajan until they drove the man insane.
Like a bhajia of his brain, C'MON

Upside, Inside Out
Livin' la Virar local.
Hey...Livin' la Virar local.
Hey...Livin' la Virar local.

-------------------------
This is not mine, but this weekend, we're immortalizing this by kara-oke'ing this into a proper MP3.
Requests for the recorded song can be put in the comments here.

:P

Put a shark in your tank - The Japanese Fish Story

2004-09-22T01:01:00.000-07:00

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades. So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish. If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh. The Japanese did not like the taste. To solve this problem, fishing companies installed freezers on their boats. They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer. However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen and they did not like frozen fish. The frozen fish brought a lower price. So fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin. After a little thrashing around, the fish stopped moving. They were tired and dull, but alive. Unfortunately, the Japanese could still taste the difference. Because the fish did not move for days, they lost their fresh-fish taste. The Japanese preferred the lively taste of fresh fish, not sluggish fish. So how did Japanese fishing companies solve this problem? How do they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan? To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies (still) put the fish in the tanks. But now they add a small shark to each tank. The shark eats a few fish, but most of the fish arrive in a very lively state."

Like the Japanese fish - "Man thrives, oddly enough, only in the presence of a challenging environment."- L. Ron Hubbard

Challenges are what keeps us FRESH !

Enjoy the game. If your challenges are too large or too numerous, reorganize the challenge, team up, be resourceful and do not give up. Failing makes you tired.

If you have met your goals, set some bigger goals. Once you meet your personal or family needs, move onto goals for your group, the society, even mankind.

Don't create success and lie in it. You have resources, skills and abilities to make a difference.

Put a shark in your tank and see how far you can really go!

Goozoo Rising

2004-09-13T01:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm half gujju myself, so when I'm making nasties about them, I'm moulding more than half the nasties to wrap around me.

This one makes goozoo history.....

My friend, Apoorva, walks into a Dunkin Donuts outlet in New Jersey. Dunkin also has a drive-in counter where there's someone with a wireless headset talking through a speaker, listening to your order.

Apoorva overhears the lady speaking to some customer, repeating their order.

"Okey sir, so you vont a large theek shake extra cream, extra soooger"

Soo-ger is pronounced with the "sew" phonetically similar loo and "ger" phonetically sounding like ti"ger". I think most of you get what I'm talking about.

By now, Apoorva and his friend are rolling on the floor. The itch in Apoorva's arse leads him to leave the counter and take the drive-in only to play pranks with this lady. He didn't know what was in store for him.

They pull in close to the drive in window and the lady asks, "Wot ken I gait you, sir"

Apoorva says "Two large theek shakes, chocolayt flaver, extra cream, extra SOOOO-ger"

He puts extra stress on "sooo-ger" to make sure she gets the hint.

You won't believe what happened next.

After a queer silence, she softly says, "Tamey Gujrati Chho?"

I fell off my chair when I heard this. I'm sure when you guys get off, you'll send a link to this piece to more people :) Use a link to the blog, please :)

2004-08-25T03:40:00.000-07:00

"From here you can get an excellent view of my foot."

Maharashtrian She'r

2004-08-24T05:01:00.000-07:00

Suraj Mahajan, a frustrated but demure, highly talented C++ programmer working with me, quotes this She'r when he hears some colleagues discussing alcohol consumption plans.

"Jo log hosh mein kuch kar nahi sakte, woh hamesha shyaam ka intezaar karte hain !!!!!"

Roughly translated - "Those that can't do anything when in their senses, always wait for nightfall"

EXPLOSIVE :)

Wicked, Naughty, Tricky

2004-08-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

I said something pretty awesome to someone today.......here goes.......

"Firstly, it is foolish to believe everything i say ...........

Secondly, it is good to pay attention to what i say ..............

Thirdly, what will really bake your noodle, once i leave, is the meaning of the amalgamation of the first and the second statements ............"

Jiyo mere laal..........waah....

2004-08-13T05:47:00.000-07:00

By the way, images are being sent to my blog using a neat tool called Hello, provided by Picasa. Lovely little app. This post is being made from there too. Picasa Photo Management solutions are also worth a dekko. Google, of course.

2004-08-13T05:39:00.000-07:00

The new Pontiac GTO......wishlist getting bigger.......

2004-08-13T05:33:00.000-07:00

The new Yamaha 2004 R6........

2004-08-13T02:29:00.000-07:00

:) This picture suddenly reminded me of all the Papajis in Chandigarh who are into constructing country made pipe-guns for under INR 40......Enjoy

Raise taxes on IT pros: Premji

2004-08-13T01:07:00.000-07:00

Finally, the inevitable has happened. Our IT "czars" have started thinking like politicians. Let's commence the milking of the IT middle class. Since the tax hike proposed in the 2004 budget on IT products and services (5% to 12%) is too high, the already pregnant-with-funds IT companies feel their phenomenal profits and overflowing reserves will start suffering. What will happen to their plans for world IT domination?

Ask not what the company can do for you, ask what you can do for the company. New Motto ??

And I don't even work for these people.

As if the new tax structure is not burdening enough, we IT pros will now have to contend with the blind greed driving the IT giants.

"It's a welcome suggestion", says Karnataka's Chief Minister Siddaramaiah, obviously, since a truckload of IT companies are already in Karnataka and so are the millions driving the IT industry. He'd want the best of both worlds. Hike by 2% and tax the professionals too. He is of the opinion that "Those who can afford to pay the tax, should pay." Proof enough?

On a final word, I heard Wipro and Infy were moving operations to Mumbai. Come, COME !!! As it is, the IT and non-IT middle class is paying for everything. We'll pay for your sops and freebees as well.

I may be sounding bitter and hurt. Maybe that's because, I AM !!! It's time we started asking our government and our elders for explanations and justifications for their statements and decisions. We pay already. The roads gaurantee delays, the infrastructure supports nothing but stains of paan-spit, the trains are over-flowing, broadband is a joke, fuel is getting expensive and up go the interest rates on borrowed money.

What the .....!!! More importantly....WHY THE .....!!!

No offense Mr Premji, his lovers and the Karnataka Govt., but no thanks as well.

Read the full article here.....
http://infotech.indiatimes.com/articleshow/812141.cms

FolderShare.......Files Sharing made simple

2004-08-13T00:10:00.000-07:00

http://www.foldershare.com/

Collaborate and share files with peers. Access files you choose from any computer. Key features: file compression, file encryption during transfer, auto-resume, transfers only changed sections of files, queuing offline files. Works transparently over both WANs and LANs. Example uses: Secure Home/Office/Mobile remote file access; Server-less small business file-sharing between one or more offices; Personal P2P file-sharing with friends and family. No special file management interface--access your files the way you are used to (C drive, Windows Explorer, Network drive). The FolderShare program works behind the scenes monitoring your file system for changed files. Once a changed file is detected in a designated FolderShare Library, FolderShare replicates the file to all connected servers or desktops.

Version 2.0.5 features an easy to use trash bin for files that were deleted with restore option

My favourite inspirational story

2004-08-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them sit and boil without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft and mushy. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hardened egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its deep flavour and inhaled its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What's the point, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a fluid spirit but after death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water - the very circumstance that brings the adversity, the pain, the hardship - into something quite wonderful. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their "worst", you get better and change the situation around you for the better.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity?

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

Marlboro Light, Goti Tight

2004-06-23T22:01:00.000-07:00

Cholestrol attacked again.

Not a phenomenal bout. Just 1.5 times the normal maximum.

I'm 25, going on 26, I am loosing hair, loosing my mind, loosing my cool and loosing my appeal.

Time to loose some weight and a lot of habits.

Benson to Marlboro Lights to Quitting.

Vada Paos to Watermelon juice to water.

Pray for me. :)

Daaru and Train trips vich Company

2004-06-18T11:49:00.000-07:00

Two things that you are better off doing with company, good or bad....

Daaru
Daaru consumption is better done with company. For one, you can always share the cost of daaru and thereby consume more and yet, save. That being said, the effects of good alcohol often make you light enough to get in the mood for some kick-ass conversation. Ghosts, flings and the unexplained being the favourites in my set.

Train trips
Even mundane train trips from Churchgate to Andheri can seem startlingly short with the right company. For e.g., I was travelling back home the other day when this mawa chewing gujrati names "NHIKHULBHHAI" (read: Nikulbhai) got into the train. The name is pronounced this way because thats what it sounded like when he was trying to speak throug ha mouthful of Sanket No 1 mixed with mawa. And while he told me his name, he was trying to sit between the 5.75 inch space between my legs and the train door. This, while i was hanging out the door.

Anyways, i know his family, his relatives, his work associates, his office address and what he does to get a good place to stand while in the train. All i asked him was if he could move over and not try and shove his nasal hair into my armpit. All through the journey as he insisted on talking to me, i was wearing a white shirt which was constantly in the threat of having some of his mouth-goo on it. This threat made me almost crawl into the butt of a huge african american looking smelly maharashtrain who kept saying "BOSS" whenever i got closer.

That trip was actually 35 minutes in duration, but 10 minutes in mind-time. I spent my entire trip thinking about how much happiness this guy was getting talking to me.....yuck, that sounds Ms India. I was actually wondering if he was not getting enough people to talk to. He looked disappointed when i jumped off before my station, thinking i was pakaoed with his sputtery mutterings. But then one "Aavjo Nikulbhai" and he was repaired again :)

Good fun.....

Moral - I've run out of things to rant about.

The MOMMY syndrome

2004-06-18T11:41:00.000-07:00

I'm a mommy..........

And I'm proud to be one....

I'm a mommy to my team, to my friends and more often than not, to my family...imcluding my own mommy....

Being a mommy has its advantages and its disadvantages...

Advantages
- Mommies get work done faster
- Mommies have a clear distinction between being firm and being rigid
- Mommies often are in favour
- At the end of the day, Mommies RULE !!!!

Disadvantages
- Mommies spend most of their time just being mommies, leaving very little time to be themselves
- Mommies often become leech victims...Their energies are drained by their babies
- Mommies have to cook :S
- At the end of the day, Mommies are EXHAUSTED !!!!

:) Still, I'm proud to be a Mommy, at least i know how half the world feels...

More for less, Less for more

2004-06-02T01:39:00.000-07:00

More money.....More work......
Then why should "Less money, same work" exist?

Anyways, decent point to ponder about.

I'm becoming a coffe addict. Almost cannot work without my shots.

More caffiene dependence than nicotine? Whats more dangerous?

Chalo, back to working on robust Internationalization methods.

The silence and the soda

2004-05-22T01:24:00.000-07:00

As always, I almost lost touch with something that i started.
It is kinda stupid though. There's no reason to. At least this blog. Its a nice simple reflection of whats going on in my life and doesn't really take too much of my time to populate.

:) I've ordered for a soda now, my usual thing after lunch. Burps Up!!

What a predicament.........

2004-05-14T04:04:00.000-07:00

Happening Place-to-be tonight no. 1: Wills Lifestyle Spring Summer Collection
Role: Lukkha getting drunk and letching at cuties that will pretend to completely ignore me.

Happening Place-to-be tonight no. 2: Le Royale Meridian Designer Collections, featuring Prachi
Role: Bouncer / Body guard / Bike-Chauffeur for Prachi.

Happening Place-to-be tonight no. 3: Le Royale Parijat, Mannige's Place, Spring Summer Alcohol Consumption Marathon.
Role: Bewda with bad jokes.

Choices...........Choices........Anyone help me choose?

When will people learn?

2004-05-13T21:16:00.000-07:00

Yet again,

Yet again I have come across people who do not understand the meaning of planned application development. What is beyond me is why would someone want to jeopardize their businesses by having recurring application development? Why don't people learn? Its the most lethal way to work. Application development is as difficult as it is easy. If you have everything that you need clear in your head, then its easy. If you're unsure, if your client is unsure and if your needs are based more on what you fantasize about having in your applications instead of what you truly need, then getting your apps developed is going to be long, painful, tedious, time-consuming and expensive.

Whats the use? This post is a rant, please ignore.

Ek Schezwan Noodle, Ek Lassi

2004-05-13T02:30:00.000-07:00

I finally made my mark in the FuFa world of Sanjeev Kumar duplicates on MTV. I ordered for a Chicken Schezwan noodle plate from a sad looking cart on the street that i work on. I couldn't finish it, coz this bloody thing was so tasteless, it gives Govinda's dressing a new meaning. Speaking of Govinda, he won the election against Ram Naik. I was so put off by the tastelessness, i went straight down with Salil, my boss's nephew, and had a lassi.

Chinese food topped off with a lassi? :) Yes .... Next - Chinese food mixed with lassi.....:S

:) Why I find a deep connection to Shiva

2004-05-12T22:02:00.000-07:00

This is something I found out.

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

"Yeh Dhuan" from Charas

2004-05-12T21:48:00.000-07:00

I have three close pals......Abhijit, Sachin (a.k.a. Mannu) and Paras (a.k.a. Bewa).......We were riding in Bewa's car the other day trying to figure out the meaning of life being a part of a posse of three guys moving around town trying to look for things to do on a saturday night, when bewa gets the brilliant idea of turning on FM. After 10 minutes of complete gutter music from hindi movies, a song was played. It was called "Yeh Dhuan" from the movie Charas. I havent seen the movie, i am allergic to hindi movies, but i did hear the tune. I think Mahalakshmi Iyer has sung it.

What a voice.....what a tune......we're a good lot, we indians.....if we put in our mind to our work, we CAN innovate....

Check it out...."Yeh dhuan" from CHARAS.